Being a parent is one of the the most challenging, yet rewarding experiences one can have. As much as children may shower you with love, snuggles and kisses, they are also the first ones to say something bluntly you’d rather they kept to themselves. Children have ZERO filters. The good news is, you can usually expect an honest answer to any question when asking a child 5 years old or younger. Bad news is, you get an honest answer.
Other times they may simply brighten your day with their off the wall comments or random acts that cause you to say things that you never thought you’d have to say to another human being. Such as “don’t put your finger in your butt, it’s not an accurate way to tell if you need to go to the bathroom” or “No you cannot have a step dad just so you will get more Christmas presents”.
I began cataloging these droplets of preschool humor by using social media to share their Quotes of the Day. They never fail to make my day interesting! I’ve compiled a list of my all time favorites and the list keeps getting longer by the day. Enjoy!
» 5 year comes walking down the hallway: “Oh that was nice, I just had a nice healthy fart in the bathroom.”
» So I love how bright my 3 year old is, but I hate when she uses my words against me. Tonight after she came out of her room for the third time insisting she wasn’t tired or ready to go to bed, my exhausted response was to yell, “yeah well, I don’t care!” So I tucked her in and said calmly “good night honey, I love you”. She rolled over, closed her eyes, and said “yeah well, I don’t care”. I sat there silent for a second and just walked out. Err..
» 3 year old is on the potty.
Me: “I’m so proud of you!”
3yo: “good, I’m proud of you too”
5yo: rolls eyes and says “kids”
3yo: “whatever sister”
» 3yo comes running to me with her pointer finger in the air.
3yo: “Mommy! Mommy! Something is wong with my finger!”
Me: “What happened??”
3yo: “Smell it!”
I smell it and throw my head back in utter disgust…. I was concerned that she maybe grabbed something out of the garbage.
Me: “Where on earth did you stick your finger???”
3yo: “In my butt! Help me wash my hands now!!”
#lifewitha3yearold #shelby-1 #mommy-0 #neverfallingforthatagain
» One night while combing Lilly’s hair:
Me: “wow you have a pretty face Lilly”
Lilly: “I know mommy”
Me: “where did you get such a pretty face?”
Lilly “from Auntie Leslie”
Me: “oh, well okay, but do you think anyone else may have contributed to your pretty face?”
Lilly: “God…..just Auntie Leslie and God”
Me: “okay Lilly 
»Quote of the day from Lilly:
She hiked her pants up super high….
Lilly: “Mommy, doesn’t this look funny?”
Me: “yes, but watch out because dad will make fun of you.”
Lilly: “how do you know?”
Me: “because he laughs at me for doing it.”
Lilly: “why would you do that?”
Me: “to cover the part of my tummy destroyed by my babies.”
Lilly: “oh yeah, I remember that, you were huge! I bet everyone laughed at you, you looked ridiculous!”
Thanks kid… 🤦♀️
» So my neighbors are having a garage sale today. I decided my kids old chalk board could go, so I wrote “FREE” on it and put it at the end of the driveway. Lilly was not happy (even though she hasn’t used it in years) and drew a frown face on it. I told her to get over it and walked away. I watched as a few sale-goers drove by and gave funny looks at it as they passed by. I eventually walked down and took a look when I noticed Lilly has written “MOMMY” under “FREE”. Yup, there’s now a sign that says “FREE MOMMY” at the end of my driveway as I walked around in my pjs cleaning my garage. Ufda…
» Sitting at dinner tonight and my husband is explaining to Lilly that some people don’t do what they are supposed to do while driving and might get pulled over. She says “like what?”
Daddy: “like driving too fast and stopping at stop signs”
Lilly: “stop signs?”
Daddy: “yes Lilly, you have to stop all the way at stop signs”
Lilly: “well mommy doesn’t do that”
He slowly looks my way….
» Me: “There you go Lilly, your fort is ready and you can play your computer games for a few minutes before bed….what do you think?”
Lilly: “Its great mom, but it’s not perfect”
She proceeds to fart, breathes in a deep breath..
Lilly: “Now it’s perfect, it was just missing a little stink!”
I ran out of the room.
» So I had the rare opportunity to walk Lilly to class yesterday (we were running a little late) and saw she has this beautiful sunflower made out of construction paper on her locker. It even has sunflower seeds (still in their shells) glued to the center. I told her it was beautiful and she responded with “and the best part is, the seeds are so yummy, I suck on them any chance I get!” I looked and her and said “What?!?” and she said “Yep! Anytime I go to my locker, I suck on them for a minute”. Now I can’t get the image of her out of my head standing at her locker sucking on her art project….lol
» Quote of the day- Lilly asked me last night while watching a baseball team if those guys need “acorn cups”. I kept saying I didn’t understand the question….until I realized she meant “nut cups”. Lol
» During our normal morning routine of listening to Christian music on the way to daycare, we hear a line about with God’s love, there is no place where we can’t find peace. After the song ended, Lilly said “that’s a lie!”
Me: “what are you talking about?”
Lilly: “I know a place where we can’t find peace”
Me: “where?”
Lilly: “our HOUSE! Its complete chaos!”
Touche my child, touche
» “Mommy! We had indoor recess today and got to play with games out of the recess drawer. I got to play with an awesome new iPad that only had one game! It was SO cool!” I asked her how to play it and what the game was like. She said “it has these big dials on it and you could draw lines! It was red”. I said “do you shake it when you’re done to start over?” “Yes!” she said.
“……that’s an Etch-a-Sketch dear”
» Quote of the day from Lillian:
I’m attempting to make lunch for my husband, but realized I need to go grocery shopping.
Me: “Sorry honey, I don’t have anything you want. I need to go shopping, I know I’m the worst”.
Husband: “It’s totally fine”
A voice pops in from the peanut gallery-
Lilly: “you’re okay and all mom, but you could use a little sugar in your attitude!”
Seriously…….
» Quote of the day from husband: “I can launch air craft from an air craft carrier, but I can’t get a 4 year old to eat a hotdog…”
» While eating a bowl of fried rice…
Husband: “Ya know Lilly, that bowl of fried rice is my Grandpa recipe from Japan.”
Lilly: “Really?’
Husband: “Yep!”
Lilly proceeds to let out a massively loud and long fart.
Lilly: “Is that Grandpa’s recipe too?”
» Her arms were wrapped around a massive stuffed animal cow that was from my childhood.
Lilly: “Mommy, I love sleeping with the cow, she reminds me of you.”
Me: “Oh that’s sweet Lilly, is it because she was mine when I was little?”
Lilly: “No.”
Me: (scared to dig deeper) “Umm….okaaay, is it because she smells like my old room at grandma’s house?”
Lilly: “Nope.”
Me: “Okay, is it because it’s a cow? Are you saying I’m a cow?”
Lilly: “Haha, no mommy!”
I was obviously relieved.
Lilly: “It’s because she’s so squishy!” She proceeds to wrap me up in a big hug. “I just love how squishy you are mommy”, as she pinches the fat in my upper arm.
Me: Defeated. “Argh….okay then.”
» So running late this morning I called the school and said Lilly would be late due to her sister’s dr appointment. We all rode together to daycare to drop off her sisters and Lilly asks me “which one has the Dr appointment mommy?” and I was shocked as I thought she was still sleeping when I made that call and the apt will actually be another day. I told her “Um….. mommy didn’t want you to have an unexcused tardy for class so I told the school we had an appointment this morning but turns out it will actually be another day.” she stares at me blankly “so…. you lied”. I said “No, I didn’t…well…um…it was a mistake”. She seemed to accept this as we dropped her sisters off and proceeded to the school. We walk in and as I’m signing her in late on the computer, the secretary asks Lilly her name and why she is late. She proceeds with: “my mommy called this morning and said I was at my sister’s doctor appointment, but this was a lie. The truth is she overslept and didn’t want me to have an unexcused late.” to my horror I had just submitted “sister Dr Apt” on the reason for being late in the computer and now she’s calling me out. I looked at her and said “I told you Lilly, mommy made a mistake and the appointment will be another day” she replied with “mommy, I know you don’t want me to get an unexcused late, but telling the truth is the right thing to do, so that’s what I’m going to do.” I looked between her and the secretary and said “yes, there was no appointment this morning, I’m sorry.” and I hauled her off to class. Argh…kids are so good at keeping me honest! No abstract thought at all, it either happened or it didn’t.
Each day they continue to surprise me with the stuff that comes out of their mouths. Motherhood is anything but boring!
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